A difficult day

Well! If I felt like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards before, by the end of yesterday I felt completely washed out! It's a wonder my eyes are still where they belong after all the tears I cried at the funeral, I had been holding out pretty well until we all entered the crematorium and were handed hymn sheets and the order of service. On the front was a picture of a happy, healthy Vina, on holiday somewhere, raising a glass of wine in a toast! That got me. I suddenly realised I had only been remembering Vina as she had been in the last 6 months, frail and gaunt, but that picture was the real Vina, and it all came home to me. I cried and cried! Then I happened to look at the back page of the sheet and that made me worse! It was a poem - one that could have been written just for Vina. It was called God's garden. I'm going to copy it out here as I think it is so beautiful.

God looked around his garden

And he found an empty place

And then he looked down upon the earth

And saw your tired face.

He put his arms around you,

And lifted you to rest.

God's garden must be beautiful.

He always takes the best.

He knew that you were suffering.

He knew you were in pain.

He knew that you would never

Get well on earth again.

He saw the road was getting rough

And the hills were hard to climb,

So he closed your weary eyelids

And whispered "Peace be thine."

It broke our hearts to lose you,

But you didn't go alone

For part of us went with you,

The day God called you home.

The poet is unknown, but Vina's daughter found it on the internet and decided it was just perfect for the occasion. The service was beautiful. Calum, the minister of Vina's church, has the gift of being able to collect snippets of information and stories from family and friends, and talk about the person whose funeral he is conducting, as if he knew them personally during their whole life.

Vina's sister read a poem sent by their brother in South Africa, and her two granchildren were going to sing a song until poor Rachael, aged 16, dissolved in tears of grief and couldn't continue.

Afterwards friends and family all gathered for soup and sandwiches, to talk with each other about Vina principally, and, as you do at these occasions, greet people you have not seen for long enough. Rachael also managed to sing her song, accompanied by her brother on guitar. They are so good. Their granny would have been so proud of them.

So, it has been a long and fraught two weeks, and I hope now that things can begin to get back onto an even keel. I now have something to look forward to in the trip to Australia and New Zealand, because yes, I CAN go to the ball! Leslie has left me a nice legacy so I have decided to take the opportunity to go to Clare's wedding in April and to her sister Sally's in May. In between times I will go to New Zealand to see my Kiwi rellies and explore some of the country I didn't get to last time in 1999. I am also going to celebrate my birthday and that of my friend Eunice in Invercargill. Her birthday is the day after mine so when I'm here and she's there, we have half our day that coincides! This time we'll celebrate in NZ, together! I am going to take some unpaid leave from work, but our manager is happy to let me do that. It seems so strange now to be saying I am going, as on previous trips I have had months to prepare! This time I have a matter of weeks! Now what can I wear to those weddings? I think a shopping trip is on the cards!!! I know what I am going to get for the girls' wedding presents - big secret for now, just in case they read this - and I think I know of just the thing for Eunice. Luckily I can get all those locally, but the clothes will be a different story. Off to Galashiels or even Edinburgh I think!

Talk again soon!